Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
