i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
