I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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