no, he came in my armpit
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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