I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
