Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
