I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
