I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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