Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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