I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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