Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
