thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
