Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
