He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
