You're my little dorito
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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