She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
