some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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