Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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