you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
