Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
