WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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