I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
