He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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