honey bunches of taint.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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