Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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