I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
