he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have post one night stand depression
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