What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
