It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
