when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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