You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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