i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
