I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
