if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
