Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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