Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
