I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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