I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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