No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
