Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
