I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
