and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
