Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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