What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
