the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
