I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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