God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
