I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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