He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
