i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
