i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
